It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
