I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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