dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
