69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
