I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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