I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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