I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
