Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
