one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The air was thick with penises
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
