just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
