Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry my hands just texted you
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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