I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
