just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
