You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
