ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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