you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Terrible idea I love it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
