I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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