what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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