You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
