Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
