Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
