Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
