And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
