You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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