You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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