i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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