i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
