when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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