Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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