So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
