looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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