I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My vagina is very pro this idea
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
