Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
