I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
