..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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