I'm really into asian looking animals
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
