ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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