the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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