Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
