"it" just moved
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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