im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
