I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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