Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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