Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
