wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
