Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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