I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Semen is not good for contacts.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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