is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
