it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
