recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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