God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
