I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
