hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
one might say we're banned from that church
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The struggles of a small town man whore
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
