either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
